I see you're all back for a second week, and let me tell you—what a week it was. Let’s start by pointing out that it’s only Week 2 and we’ve already had a week of sloppy field conditions. Over at Darcy McGee, we had puddles in the end zone on Field 3. Fields 1 and 2 were okay, except for the rusher line—but those get mashed in any weather we play in, so that’s no biggie.

What really grinds my glitterpants is Leber, and how it looks absolutely snarfled for the rest of the season. At least we won’t be playing there for a few weeks, so maybe it will recover. What I *should* have done before the games at Leber was reseed the entire field. That way, the seed gets into the ground and doesn’t become an all-you-can-eat buffet for the local squirrel mafia. I can’t do *everything*, and I also think being at the fields for 13 hours on a Saturday is more than enough.

 

D1

I missed all of D1 again—you’ll need to watch Terry and Willie on the podcast for your updates.

D2

Phoenix vs Double Dippers (40–14)
Double Dippers were missing a few players this week, but the real difference in the game was Kris and his ability to scoot around and avoid pressure. David struggled with that, and it let Tyler force some early throws. JF scored with 39 seconds left in the first half to give Phoenix a 19–7 lead.

This is where it got interesting. Phoenix had been in control, but they played soft, and that let Double Dippers drive down, use their timeouts, and score with 0s on the clock—making it 19–14 Phoenix at half, with Double Dippers starting with the ball. At halftime, Phoenix knew they had to buckle up before the momentum fully flipped. That’s when their defense stepped up—ending *three* consecutive drives with picks by Kris, Nick, and JF. Kris capitalized on those turnovers and built an insurmountable lead for Phoenix.

 

D3

Action Squad vs Thunder Buddies (6–25)
After last week, I thought Thunder Buddies might have changed QBs, but Matt showed why you give a guy a second chance. Even after being sacked five times by Shermika and throwing two picks, he still put up solid numbers (22 of 33 for 153 yards) and had a few drops that weren’t on him.

The game-changer? Young Nick Kousaie picking off Gold *three times*. The real question here is how JC is only rated a 74—something smells fishy in Fishville.

 

Iron Wolves vs Him U (18–28)
Him U is new to the league, and you know the saying—speed frickin’ zooms, and this team’s got speed to spare. James is new to the QB role and went 14 of 15 for 162 yards and 4 TDs. This game stayed close for one reason and one reason only: Jon knows how to work a clock. Any time Iron Wolves needed a first down, Jon went to Lesniak. He finished with 76 yards on 12 catches—but could’ve had more if he could catch standing on two feet instead of doing a pancake impersonation.

Standout? Lucas—2 TDs, always open, and zero drops. Chefsmooch.

 

D4

Sorry folks, I missed your division this week. I’ll be back eventually, and when I am, you better show me some razzle-dazzle.

D5

514 vs Phoenix (18–34)
Phoenix came in planning to take away the deep ball and force Lesniak to work the field. Fred was the initial concern, but the focus quickly shifted to Soufiane after he made a couple of sparkly plays. Nick had a bumpy start trying to force deep balls, but once he calmed down and stuck to the short game, things clicked—helped by Phoenix getting some short fields to work with.

Late in the game, Nick got hurt and Yann stepped in to wrap it up. The game was iced when Lesniak stole Jordana’s TD by covering her, leaving Kenny wide open for an easy peasy lemon squeezy score.

Wong Dynasty vs MTL Cessnas (6–12)
This was a closer game than I expected. I thought Millan would try to hit Lambert deep early, but he kept it short instead. MTL Cessnas made two plays all game—a pick-six in the first half by Jayden, and the game-winner on the last play. Ryan struggled most of the game, but after the pick-six, he locked in and drove the team down for a tying score.

In the second half, it looked like we were heading to OT, but MTL Cessnas went double QB and JP dropped a rainbow pass. As soon as it left his hands, I knew it was a TD. Tight spiral, good timing, high arc—it gave Jayden time to get to the end zone with not a defender in sight.

 

Women’s Division

Sorry ladies, I didn’t catch any of your games this week. One week soon—I pinky swear.

Studs & Duds

Now that I’ve had time to review the stats and sip my fizzy cactus juice, here’s who’s rocketing up and who’s falling faster than a raccoon on roller skates:

 

Studs

D1 – Alexandre Vallières: 6 sacks, 4 TDs, 305 yards across two games.

D2 – Alec Grégoire: 4 catches for 87 yards, 3 TDs, and a 1-point convert.

D3 – James Langshaw: Only threw *one* incomplete pass and had 4 TDs.

D4 – Arnaud St-Jean: 5 sacks.

D5 – Sage Holder: 3 catches for 43 yards, 1 TD, plus 2 picks and a defensive score.

Women’s – Diana-Janes Landry: 6 catches for 52 yards, 3 TDs, and a convert.

Duds

D1 – Jean-Félix Daloze: 2 games, zero offensive stats.

D2 – David Brisson: Those 3 second-half picks were, well... spaghetti-brained.

D3 – Gold: 4 picks, 3 to a kid who won’t stop chirping about it. Not only do you haunt me in the playoffs, now you’re giving me home-life migraines.

D4 – Jocelyn Ouellette: You broke the golden rule—don’t ask about Player of the Week. Now you’re my Dud. I *was* going to give it to you, but ya flubbed it.

D5 – Max: For rushing in D5. That’s a flagrant fuzzbucket.

Women’s – Barbara: Only 2 catches for 14 yards. Where’s the diva we all know and love?

 

There you have it—my Studs & Duds of the week. There’s still plenty of time to make the list, but one guaranteed way to end up on the *Duds* side? Asking the media team if you’re going to make the list, or shamelessly self-promoting like a clout-craving koala. Doesn’t matter what your stats are—I’ll still plop you into the Dud pile.